From David Casseres () Newsgroups: rec.bicycles.soc,ba.bicycles Subject: Re: Bike Lanes and Date: 27 Sep 1994 00:17:41 GMT [Originally, Roger modestly intoned] >>> The fact is that >>> most of us are considerate and intelligent enough to bypass routes like the >>> Oregon underpass, not because we have to, but because we choose to. [Bill Zaumen (zaumen@Eng.Sun.COM) replied] >>Roger is way off base here. I've gone through it a few times during >>rush hour with absolutely no problems. >Perhaps when traffic was bumper to bumper you didn't have any problems >but usually cars squeeze though this narrow underpass at 40 - 45 mph. >I couldn't imagine a cyclist not having a problem under those >circumstances. The problem is exactly that: Roger can't imagine anyone whose mind works even a little bit differently from his. >For those not familiar with the Oregon underpass picture a short (1/4 >miles of road much like the posey tube in Alameda or the busy, high >speed tunnels into New York or Boston. Now try to imagine riding a >bicycle there (without alienating a good number of motorists). This is pretty wild. The Oregon underpass is narrow for about 50 or 60 yards, not a quarter of a mile; it is fully exposed to daylight, and does not even vaguely resemble the Alameda tube or the New York tunnels (I haven't been to Boston). Riding a bike through the Oregon underpass might inconvenience one or two motorists for a minute or so. But read on, Roger isn't through yet: >Now imagine one of those motorists is a state senator, not normally >concerned with cycling matters until he/she almost has a heart attack >after nearly plowing into a cyclist, around a blind curve, traveling at >less than 1/3 the prevailing traffic. Imagine the senator wondering >how such a thing could be legal. Next imagine the senator questioning >the state statute allowing cyclists to ride anywhere except freeways. >Now imagine the senator inquiring about this and finding the statute >has little support. So the senator introduces a rider into a larger >transportation bill which strikes the cyclists hard won rights off the >vehicle code. Hell, why screw around? *Now* imagine one of those motorists is the President of the United States of America, drunk as six pigs and in the midst of a catastrophic emotional crisis, and he's just grabbed the wheel of the Presidential limo on the way to the airport, shoving the chauffeur out the driver's-side door and onto the pavement of El Camino Real, where the poor guy lands smack in front of one of the bicyclists riding there because Roger Marquis says it's safer to ride there than on Alma. Big bike-pedestrian crash! More bad publicity for cyclists! Traffic delays! Flames on the Internet! But that's just a sideshow, because now the Prez cranks the wheel over and puts the pedal to the metal, and that big ol' V8 roars and farts carbon monoxide as the limo fishtails around onto Oregon, heading for the underpass where J. Random Wheeler is about to enter the narrow part on his lovingly maintained early-70's Motobecane 10-speed. Behind him, the Prez leans on his horny horn and the Volvos and Toyotas scatter like leaves in the wind, plowing into the iceplant on the right and crashing through the barrier on the left, into the oncoming traffic... there's so much noise J. Random peeks back with his homemade wire-frame galsses-mount mirror, and when he sees that limo with those bulging red eyes staring out over the steering wheel, his finely honed instincts -- honed over years of being a selfish, in-your-face, aggressive cyclist who cares nothing for the superior rights of high-powered cars -- take over and he FLIPS THE FINGER TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, even as he enters the narrow portion of the underpass, taking the entire right lane and traveling at 20 mph -- actually somewhat more than 1/3 the usual speed of car traffic here, but less than 1/4 of the speed now attained by the Presidential limo. Well, we'll never know why, but the President actually swerves to avoid the cyclist. Turns out it CAN BE DONE on a two-lane thoroughfare. Huge clouds of putrid rubber smoke fill the underpass as the limo hurtles on through, the V8 still roaring, the horn still blaring. And strangely, the narrow escape gives the unhinged Prez such a jolt that he changes his plan, which was to end his life and his administration by driving off the high span of the San Mateo Bridge. Instead, he decides to go back to Washington and give orders to the CIA, the FBI, and the BATF to organize clandestine death squads to go around the country shooting cyclists down right on the road because they ALIENATED him so bad. And as for J. Random Cyclist, he makes it through the underpass and up the rise, past the onramp from Alma, to where there's some room on the shoulder, and there he stops to say his mantra, which goes Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit. But he's used up all his luck, and a second later the President's chauffeur, in a commandeered VW Bug, comes up out of the underpass. He's going only about 1/3 the speed of normal traffic, and is consequently tail-ended by the carload of Secret Service agents right behind him, and the VW is knocked right over onto the shoulder where it crushes J. Random into Instant Road Pizza. So don't ride your bikes through the Oregon Underpass, you idiots! >You might see "absolutely no problems" with cycling this road Bill but >others may be looking farther ahead. Like me! ------------- David Casseres Exclaimer: Hey!